“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”-John Lennon
Happiness? I think it is simple to assume this is a goal for most of humanity. We find happiniess in different outlets of life whether it be through a family, a career or where I personally find it most: through the happiness of others. When people ask me the same question John Lennon’s teacher asked him my answer is similar. The older I grow, the more helping people becomes my career, my way of life, my goal. I want to help people. Currently I am studying Psychology in hopes of going to grad school for Drama Therapy, but if that plan does not unfold, I will find another way to help those around me.
We just elected a new president yesterday. In light of this I felt the urge to write to all of you and relay some advice. You clearly can take it with a grain of salt if you wish. I will not be offended if you call me a dreamer, an idealist, an optimist because I identify with all of those terms. I believe our county, in light of recent events needs to try something. Love: a word used in many contexts, a powerful word, a word that can inspire, a word we need right now as a country, as Americans. No matter your political opinions, right now is the time to respond to each other with love and respect. We need to start making an effort to be kind to all, help those less fortunate than oursleves and fight for equality for our fellow people. Love is important and in order to unite our country, it is necessary. You do not need to agree with every person and you will not share viewpoints with everyone, but we need to stop letting our hate block opportunities to help each other. I am fully aware of how idealistic this sounds, but for me at least, that does not make it less true. Love. Love everyone. We need each other now more than ever.
Currently the power is out in my neighborhood. Weird how seemingly insignificant events like these make us more aware, alert even. I have discussed my anxiety here before. When it was almost “healed” (the only term that seems to fit), I thought I was better, I was “brave”. Turns out stopping treatment for my issues was premature. I went to Florida to participate in the Disney College Program (which by the way is a wonderful experience). It turns out I was only “healed” enough to function at home, in a safe controlled environment, but when my structured life was thrown a curve ball, I was thrown into the dark much like I’m sitting in now. I lost control.
For those of you who do not know me well, my anxiety forces me to want control in all aspects of my life. Clearly that task proves impossible, but I still try. My eating disorder returned, not anorexia or bulimia but a disorder called “AFRID” which stands for Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, simply put a fear of eating. My fear stems from my food allergies which as I stated, I’ve discussed before. I feel like I’m allergic to everything. Even though I’ve been tested for other allergies, the fear persists. I proceeded in my last few weeks in Orlando to eat only toast, rice and occasionally broccoli. My water intake narrowed to one very forced cup a day. I refused eating in public. I feared people finding out and not understanding. Depression kicked in because as my doctor explained “malnourishment leads to lack of energy, sleep and ability to function properly”. I began feeling lost, like I would never beat this. There were days I would hide in my room and cry. I was failing at my dream of working in Disney. I was failing, not a concept I deal well with. I loved Disney World since childhood. I met wonderful people during my program. I had five amazing roommates whom I miss terribly and honestly I would not have made it as long as I did without their kindness. I really owe them more than they know. I made the choice to come home, probably the hardest choice I’ve made thus far.
Since I’ve been home, I attend an average of 3 doctors appointments every week. I eat about 2 meals a day and even though I know that is not enough, I am slowly gaining back my strength and my mental function. It is difficult. I thought that I was better and starting back at square one scares me, but I force myself to wake up every day and try. Try to eat. Try to live. I thank God every day that I don’t have a reaction, every day that I can eat, every day that I have an amazing support team of family, friends and two puppies who make me smile. Thank you to those people who remind to choose living in the light even when it is easier to stay in the dark. Hopefully the power is back on soon. As Dumbledore said, “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light”.
Hellloooo worlddddd! I have finally decided to start blogging! I want to follow some of my adventures and daily life moments which I feel the need to share with anyone who wants to listen. As I grow nearer to my next adventure, working in the Disney College Program in Walt Disney World in Florida, I thought this would be a good way to keep in touch with my family and friends and those who follow my life on YouTube , Instagram, my Actor Website , Twitter and Facebook . So feel free to subscribe and follow the social media you like best! I am very excited to start this week’s blogs with a Disney College Program post, a favorite recipe and a personal story. Thanks for reading!