Wake up

Anxiety. A panic attack strikes like a nightmare. You can’t wake up until it is over. All of your irrational fears become real and there is no escape. Your eyes forced to remain closed until it passes. 

Recently some amazing events have blessed my life: I just finished a show and met truly beautiful and amazing people in the process, I finally chose a career path where I get to help people doing what I love and I received great news about people in my life who are suffering. All of these components make me happy, extremely happy. I wish I could say they come without anxiety. I have found that as these great events occur, things that boost my anxiety counteract them, such as: eating (always my biggest trigger), missing out on career opportunities and mainly wanting to be healthy and independent so badly it hurts. What do I do? How? Where? When? Questions constantly flood my mind amidst the anxiety. I need hope.
Cue prayer, my great stress reliever. God constantly reminds me that He has a plan for me and I need to open my eyes and my heart to that plan. All of these things I see as anxiety triggers can be used as motivation to be healthy and help others who struggle with eating and anxiety disorders.
I recently decided to return to school. Long story short: I prayed, God answered. I was staring at my phone after church one day and started crying. NYU’s “Drama Therapy” program was just there, on my phone. I don’t remember searching for it. My mom saw me crying, immediately asked what was wrong. I said “I know. I know what I want to do with my life.” I went on to read her a description of drama therapy from NYU’s website. According to which the program offers “opportunities for clinical internships in hospitals and shelters, drug rehabilitation centers, prisons, and special facilities for the homeless, elderly, developmentally disabled, and the terminally ill, among others.”
This was it. The answer I had been waiting for. I needed to follow this path. I have been focusing on how to proceed with this new dream, His plan. I decided to finish my undergraduate (which will take 2-3 years) at Penn State Harrisburg in Psychology with hopes of moving on to my graduate degree at NYU or another Drama Therapy accredited university.
God is pretty amazing. Trust is one of those MAJOR issues that accompanies anxiety, trusting friends, family, romantic relationships and mostly God. But I needed to allow God to help me by giving him my fears (and there are quite a few). I experienced too many rough days by being a trusting person in the past so building up that ability to open up to others and let them in scares me.  However, I know God wants me to try, now that I have let Him in. I truly believe we all need each other. God wants us to seek His good in every person. I hope I can help someone stuck in the same nightmare. Opening our eyes is scary. Letting go- letting God take care of the rest. 
(For more information on Drama Therapy, visit: NADTA )

One thought on “Wake up

  1. Lexi, it is such an honor to meet you… This post was exactly what I needed to hear. I too really struggle with trusting God with my life, although he has faithfully provided for me and given me the most unexpected and amazing little gifts 🎁🎀 So thank you for your reminder that He has a plan for me! My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11, but I just forget about it sometimes or the incredible promises it holds fade away in my mind to nothing more than recited words… Which is so tragic now that I think about it. Again, thank you so much; please, keep writing and keep sharing! You are so expressive, bubbly, honest, insightful, and giving, not to mention beautiful inside and out 😌 And drama therapy? Wow! I never knew there was such a thing! Like you, I also plan to get my undergraduate in Psych once I finish my AAS in Human Services at community college. I was thinking of going into art or writing therapy for trauma survivors since I love the arts and creativity. Anyway, so nice to meet you! All my love! ❤️❤️❤️ Mei


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