Mentality, honest.

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Yesterday, I finally dragged my mother to the movies to experience the newest Pixar film, “Inside Out”. I promise this will not be a grueling movie review discussing my take of each character and the critics opinions versus mine. I also swear that I will be 100% honest during this post. So if you want a movie review or a juicy and embellished story, sorry this post will not be helpful to you.

First of all let us get out of the way that the movie was great and although my mother was reluctant to see it, she also loved it. Now that I am done promoting the film, I want to divulge into something a little more serious than a cartoon. The movie discusses feelings and how each one is necessary at different times for different people. Essentially, this movie addresses how a healthy and unhealthy brain functions based on emotions.

Honestly (since I am being honest), this brought me survey my own thought and emotions. Why? Because four short years ago, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and situational depression. To those of you who already knew this, you have been helping me through something that has truly affected my entire life. It is strange to know how many people suffer daily from their emotions shutting off or fear (as he does in the movie) taking over.

I will not sit here and whine about my problems or ask for pity because I have no desire to be pitied. If anything, I want the opposite of being singled out, normalcy. I had an allergic reaction to mint when I was 18 which made the anxiety that had grown inside me for so long, reach full bloom. I feared eating. From having anaphylactic reaction I developed PTSD and an eating disorder. Things spiraled out of control. I left school on medical leave. I refused to eat or see friends. And really truly honestly, I lost a large piece of the once bubbly and   fearless girl I was before.

I spent the next three and a half years in and out of therapy and for the past year and a half, I was on medication. It is scary to admit because if someone said to me five years ago that I would fall apart, I would have laughed.

Laughter, cliche enough, brought me back to life. I took moments to appreciate all of the amazing people who make me laugh, smile and feel like I am worth something. Every person I have encountered along this recovering journey has touched my life for the better. Each one has shown me something unique about myself and reminded me why I need to choose happiness and why I chose the career path that may seem impossible, being an actor. Acting allows me to embrace life and get others through a rainy day and that is why it is so important to me to continue pursuing my dreams. I finally feel ready to do so.

I am now just 9 days off of my medicine, out of therapy and ready to launch myself back into the world. That bubbly, sarcastic and fun-loving girl is finally returning. The reason I am writing this in case you are asking, “what is the point?” is that I want every person who struggles with mental illness to know they are not alone. You can beat this, even when the world seems a little inside out.

-Lexi

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